Imagine thinking each day that this may truly be your last day on earth. Imagine kissing your wife and kids goodbye in the morning with a lurch in your stomach as you wonder if you’ll be alive to hold them again in the evening. Imagine looking over your shoulders and wondering if you are being followed as you go to the store, to church, or to pick up your kids from school. Imagine risking your life every time you dare venture outside your home, all because of another man’s actions, whether intentional or accidental, that left someone dead.

This was Pastor Dritan (Tani) Prroj’s daily reality, as he stepped outside of his home in order to preach the Gospel, shepherd his flock in the church he was pastoring and serve his fellow citizens in the northern city of Shkoder. He found himself in these circumstances not because of anything he himself had done, but due to a bar room brawl five years ago which resulted in his uncle killing a young man. The uncle’s actions automatically brought the 23 male members of his extended family, including Tani, into a ‘blood feud’, making them a target of reciprocation for the victim’s family.

The majority of those who are involved in a blood feud choose the route of isolation and self-imprisonment at home, the only safe place dictated by blood feud codes (Kanun) where a person cannot be harmed or hunted down. Women and children are also exempt from the blood feud, though they still fear for the lives of their beloved fathers, husbands, brothers, and sons over the age of 15 who are explicit targets should they leave the safety of their home, even for an errand like buying milk from the store. Dreams of a normal life are shattered for these families– many children are kept home from school regardless of the code and their childhoods are void of friends, social events, sports and normal activities that every child longs to take part in.

Yes, it is the 21st century and yet blood feuds are a tangible experience for hundreds of familiies throughout Albania. It is estimated that there are 1450 families literally captive in their own homes because they are caught in the middle of a blood feud and have no way to escape its grip until the score becomes even. But ultimately it is a vicious cycle, one that never ends because with each life taken there is more ‘blood’ to avenge and little chance of families ever becoming free.

Initially, Tani too remained in isolation the first few years when the blood feud enveloped him and all his male relatives, though he continued to minister to his congregation from home. Given an opportunity to serve as pastor in England, Tani moved his family there but as they started to settle in, Tani sensed God calling him to continue to minister in his hometown back in Albania. Though limiting his time in public where he was an open target, Tani was active in serving the community and this past winter he led the distribution of humanitarian aid provided when floods encompassed the villages near Shkoder,causing many to be without homes, food, or clothes.

Tragically, three weeks ago, on October 8th, Tani was gunned down in broad daylight in a populated market and cafe area after leaving the church office to pick up his children from school. His 9 and 7-year old were left waiting, not knowing that the morning hugs and kisses with their daddy were to be their last embrace from him, this side of heaven.

Tani had his Bible in one hand along with his briefcase, which inside contained a written plan with ideas on how to combat this blood feud Kanun that has ingrained the idea of ‘rightful’ revenge in many Albanian minds who believe that following the code somehow supercedes waiting for 21st century law to hand out justice. The code is so strong that there is pressure on young men to take revenge for a family member’s blood (death) even if they themselves don’t want to. It is all about a family’s honor.

Last week on a TV program highlighting this archaic phenomenon, a local pastor involved in prison ministry told of a young man who was serving a prison sentence for having avenged the blood of his brother. When asked how he could kill someone at such a young age, his answer was shocking and heartbreaking. “For all these years, every single day my mother would curse me while eating, saying that I was having a homemade meal while my bother was ‘eating’ dust in the ground. Though in prison, somehow I feel I am more free.”

Pastor Tani’s death has been a wake-up call for the church in Albania and everyday citizens to stand up and bring attention to this code that still dominates the land and leaves hundreds of individuals cut off from society and fearing for their lives.

Last Saturday hundreds of evangelical Christians gathered at Mother Teresa Square on the main boulevard of town to peacefully rally on behalf of those who are entrapped in this violent cycle of revenge. In a solemn service several pastors spoke beseeching the government to open its eyes to this crisis and take action. Prayers were offered and 2 hymns were sung—the Albanian national anthem and the best-known Christian hymn, Amazing Grace.

Especially powerful and heartwrenching were the words of Tani’s wife, Elona, who spoke eloquently and passionately, emboldened by God’s grace and strength to implore all those listening to put an end to the tragedy of blood feuds through forgiveness. “True revenge…is in forgiving.”

Those words signify that with Tani’s death, this particular blood feud has come to an end, bringing release for the other male members of Tani’s family that were in hiding. Forgiveness is the only way to break the cycle of revenge.

Philip Yancey states in his book, What’s So Amazing About Grace: “The strongest argument for forgiveness is the alternative, a permanent state of unforgiveness.”

For Albania’s blood feud crisis – that quote could read—“The strongest argument for forgiveness is the alternative, a permanent state of blood feuds and vendettas, leaving lives shattered & broken and people hurting, hiding, fearing… not truly living.”

In one sense, Tani’s death is reflective of the Savior he loved and lived for, because in death, he set the male members in his family free from the blood fued cycle so that they can now live in the open. Similarly, Jesus’ death sets us free from the cycle of sin and isolation from God, and we no longer fear death, but rather experience true life in Him.

May God bring many stories of redemption through Tani’s example in both life and death, and may thousands of Albanians experience the freedom that he had found through a personal relationship with Jesus.

For a better understanding of Blood Feuds from Tani’s perspective in an article published just before his death, click here.

While I purpose to keep the focus of this blog on positive, savorful things about Albania, certainly there are realities of living in Albania that I don’t always savor.

For those traveling to Albania for any length of time, it may be helpful to understand some of these not-to-be-savored situations.

One aspect is buying products in Albania– a good motto for businesses here would be: “Once you pay for it, it’s yours for keeps.” (ie. No refunds allowed!).

While a few stores have begun to implement an ‘exchange policy’, (within 3-14 days) the incredible return policies where you actually get your money back are almost non-existent here. (One of the things I love about the U.S.– great customer service!)

This means you have to make up your mind completely before you make the purchase, because after you pass the cash register threshold, there’s no turning back. (A challenge for those of us who are indecisive).

Just the other day TCLH and I bought a mattress for our guest bedroom. There were two stores in the mall right next to each other that sold mattresses. At both stores the sales ladies spewed off a bunch of mattress vocabulary terms in Albanian about the types of materials used to make these ‘very comfortable’ and hygiene-friendly mattresses. After viewing the possibilities, we went back to the first store where we ultimately made our purchase. The mattress came the next day– upon first glance it seemed fine, but upon scrutinizing it more closely, we saw that there were many places where the stitching was poorly done and that with some use, the cover could easily tear apart. TCLH called the store and they said they would send another one the next morning.

When the 2nd one arrived, my husband inspected it at the delivery van and saw that it had the same problem, so he refused to take it. The salesperson reassured us on the phone that they would send another one over the next couple of days– “not to worry, you will be completely satisfied with this mattress“. Though I secretly hoped they might give us our money back because I was torn between the first and second store mattress options and was feeling the onset of buyer’s remorse, my Albanian friends all heartily agreed– “They will never give you your money back.”

Thus, in order to have successful shopping experiences and avoid buyer’s remorse  in Albania, here are a few tips:

1. Check out as many options as possible (this will require time to investigate all the options– be patient with the process)
2. Ask friends for their recommendations about similar products they’ve purchased that they have been pleased with. (Word of mouth is probably the best way of advertising in Albania)
3. Ask if there is a warranty, and have it spelled out what it really means. (Most likely there won’t be any possibility of getting your money back, though you may be able to exchange for a different product within their store).
4. Sleep on your decision overnight
5. Go to the store and make your purchase in faith

One of the reasons TCLH and I are pursuing ‘business as mission’ in Albania through our engraving business is that we want to do business differently– to show that our faith is interconnected to the way we relate to customers and handle business decisions and transactions. We want customers to be so delighted with their experience at our store that they will spread the word about our business. Thus, there have been times when we’ve either re-done a product or given a full refund if a customer wasn’t fully satisfied. (Definitely “going against the flow” in the Albanian business culture!)

**On a positive note, the mattress store did bring a 3rd mattress yesterday and it seems to be better quality than the first two (no obvious defects). We will see how well our guests sleep on it– my mom gets to try it for the first time tonight! Sweet Dreams Mom!

One of the most distinguishing and charming characteristics of the Albanian people is their wonderful hospitality.

Albanians treat their guests like royalty. When visiting an Albanian home, even just for a coffee, they will bring out a smorgasbord of goodies- chocolates, candies and caramels, something cold to drink like juice or soda, Turkish coffee to follow, a sweet liquor for the women and of course, Albanian “raki” for the men.  As your visit lasts a couple hours, the hostess will keep bouncing back into the kitchen to get fruit and salty snacks like pretzels and peanuts.

If you are visiting an Albanian family for dinner, don’t be surprised if they give you the best part of the meat, like the lamb’s head (with eyeballs still attached). This is the considered the choicest part and goes to the most important person at the table, which is YOU, their guest.

In the villages, you may find the hostess bringing in a basin to wash your feet and/or hands before you sit down for a meal.

The way Albanians kick off a visit when you sit down in their homes is by toasting to your health and happiness, saying “Gezuar” (guzz- u’- are) which you repeat after them and then clink your raki glasses together. They don’t expect you to necessarily drink their throat-burning specialty drink, but in order for the host to feel like he can drink freely, you at least need to bring the glass to your lips. If you don’t touch your drink or your food, then neither will the host/hostess feel the freedom to do so.

Albanians are very generous, not only in the abundant snacks or meal they set before you, but also in wanting to give you something to remember them by. I remember many years ago when I was living in Korca, a southeastern city, when my mom came to visit me in Albania. We went to my next door neighbor’s for a visit and had a very memorable evening. As we were getting ready to go, Frida, our hostess, left the room for a moment and then came back with a beautiful silver spoon that she wanted my mom to have. It was an antique heirloom from Frida’s family. Even as my mom tried to refuse this generous and touching gift, they emphatically insisted that she keep it.

A word of advice here: be careful about complimenting too many things (like ornaments, decorations, etc.) in an Albanian home. Their hospitality, generosity and desire to please you as their guest may compel them to give you the very thing you are complimenting. For example, let’s say you like a painting on their wall and praise them for how beautiful it is– don’t be surprised if they actually give it to you as you are leaving.

Can you imagine if this endearing aspect of Albanian hospitality played out in a similar fashion in American homes?? “Wow, I really like your Plasma 54″ Flat Screen Television” you comment during a visit to a new friend’s home…(hint hint). Nope, no bite.

Well, this is a very unique characteristic to the Albanian culture and one that makes indelible impressions upon all those who visit this lovely country! I often tell people that Albania is a like a magnet– once you visit this country and spend time with Albanians in their homes, you’ll be drawn back to visit again and again.

Photo courtesy of: Gaston Thauvin

Two weekends ago, TCLH and I took a road trip to Patras and Athens, Greece. Patras is about 9 hours from Tirana whereas Athens is about 2.5 hours beyond that.

In Patras we stayed with two of TCLH’s cousins who have lived there for over 18 years. I asked the wife of one cousin who had lived there 6 years (since getting married) if she enjoyed the beaches around Patras, knowing that many of the Greek beaches are fabulous vacation spots. To my surprise, she answered, “I’ve never been to the beach.”  I could hardly believe my ears.

The next day, we traveled to Athens and my hubby’s cousin accompanied us to show us the sights. While hiking up to the Acropolis, laughing he revealed how he had never actually hiked up to the Acropolis in all of his years of living there.

People from all over the world travel on planes anywhere from 8 – 20 hours to see these ancient and renown ruins of Greece. And yet those who live there may not even give them a second thought, much less take the time to visit and enjoy them.

TCLH and I have reflected on the fact that even though we’ve lived in Tirana for many years, we’ve never been to the National Museum that so many foreigners visit during their short stay in Albania.

Why is it that, those things we have easily accessible, we take the most for granted?

Do we truly treasure the things that are readily available– whether material things, natural wonders, or even relationships with family and friends living nearby?

Are we grateful for the rich relationships we have in our lives or only come to realize how precious they are when they are gone?

What things or people or places are you taking for granted? Have you visited some of the nearby ‘treasures’ (art galleries, botanical gardens, skyscrapers, museums, etc.) at your doorstep?

You don’t have to wait for Aunt Betty to come visit to go see the Sears Tower’s new skywalk– take time to savor these ‘doorstep treasures’ with loved ones today!