I just got back from a coffee* with a gal I mentor on a monthly basis and we met today in particular because it is her 31st birthday. She ordered an ice cream sundae and I ordered tea.

When the waiter came and asked us to pay, I reached for my purse, fully expecting the privilege of treating J on her birthday.  But J insisted that she pay, because Albanian traditions mandate that the person whose birthday it is treats others to the meal or party. (Guess we should have gone out for a big lunch, right?!). In fact, J has invited some friends to go bowling in the evening and I asked her whether she would treat them to bowling, she said “Yes” as she had been planning to do so. She did say she would let them treat her to a drink if they so desired.

As Americans we usually “throw” a party for someone on their birthday, whereas if an Albanian wants to celebrate her birthday, she will plan the party and cover all of the expenses.

Another tidbit to know about Albanian birthdays is that birthdays ending in “5″ or “0″ are especially significant and most often celebrated with an organized party or get-together, i.e.: 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50 years, etc. Birthdays falling in-between those years may or may not be celebrated by the individual, depending on their preferences or perhaps even their ‘wallet’.

Happy Birthday J, and thanks for the tea!

*Note: we use “coffee” to express any get together over drinks– here in Albania it usually is coffee that we drink when meeting together, but it could be anything. Going out for a coffee is another way of saying “getting together with a friend”.

Photo courtesy of: Michal Zacharzewski

…when doing a visit to an Albanian home!

There is an unspoken “no shoes indoors” rule in Albania that is important for visiting guests to know about. Though uncertain as to where this custom originally comes from, it exists for very practical reasons and is an important part of adapting to the culture.

Albanians keep their homes spic and span– many don’t have the commodities and conveniences of a power vacuum (or a maid)– and so they mop the tiled floor and sweep the carpets with a thick broom 2-3 times a day. Since the biggest method of transportation traditionally has been by foot, outside shoes naturally become dusty or muddy and are not very friendly to the freshly cleaned floors.

When you go for a visit to someone’s home, even though the hostess will vehemently insist that you leave your shoes on, if you want to show true respect and an ‘insider understanding’ of the culture, then you will remove your shoes at the door and they will provide house slippers or “shapka” for your feet. Though it may be hard to go against the hostess’ wishes who’s exclaiming, “No, leave your shoes on, you’re a guest!”, you can be confident that you are doing the right thing and that the hostess is inwardly jumping for joy over the fact that you took your shoes off and won’t be tracking all of Tirana inside her home.

Though this tradition was a little awkward at first when I came to Albania (especially if any of my toes were poking through holes in my socks), I’ve really grown to appreciate it– now it is so natural to pop off my shoes at the door as soon as I enter a home.

What actually seems strange to me is when I’m back in the States and am “allowed” and even expected to walk on carpets in my shoes– it feels so unnatural and like something is amiss. I especially cringe when I see someone casually lounging on a couch or bed with their outdoor shoes on. I find myself thinking, “The gumption that person has!” and I want to shout out “What are you doing with your shoes still on? You’re supposed to leave them at the door! Not only are you tracking filth into the house, but you’re also ruining the poor couch!” But instead I take a deep breath, recalling the crux of my cross-cultural training which emphasized, “Different is not bad, just different”, and remind myself that this is ‘normal’ here in the United States and for the majority of my life I’ve done the very same thing.

Photo courtesy of Carol Dias

One of the things I love most about Albanians is that they are warm and affectionate in relating to others.

A friend who visited Albania just last week told this story about his trip from the airport to the hotel.

“When we arrived at the hotel, I got out of the cab and asked the man, who was perhaps in his 60’s, how much money I owed him. He showed me the hand signals to communicate 2500 Albanian ‘leke’  (about $27).  I had a bunch of 500 bills, so I gave him 5 “500″ bills and asked him if that was correct. He got a big grin on his face and said with his limited vocabulary of English, ‘Per–fect!’ and then he grabbed my face with both hands, kissed me on the cheek and gave me a big hug. I was surprised by this outburst of affection and didn’t know if I had just greatly over-payed or if this was a common gesture in Albanian culture. I was glad my exact change made his day.”

As our friend shared his story I could easily picture this cab driver hugging and kissing him like that and I laughed as he shared this somewhat strange ‘cross-cultural’ experience. But it brings to light one of my favorite attributes of Albanians that I savor. Their affection and warmth is endearing and makes connecting with them simple and fun, even if you don’t know the language or are a newcomer to their country.

Photo courtesy of: Mateusz Stachowski